privatesnafu:

porpoisespit:

This is my submission on Natalie Portman for thecolourbeige. I kind of went out of control finding quotes by her. They just kept getting worse and worse so this became a really long ass post for which I apologize. So, let’s begin.

There is actually a little known fact that when Crayola was forced to stop calling their beige crayon “flesh,” they briefly toyed with the idea of calling it Natalie Portman. Ultimately, they went with beige following remarks by Portman that she knew what it felt like to be black. They were trying to be less racist after all. On the subject matter of the woman herself, sometimes affectionately referred to as Lamportman, we’ve all come to know and love her as that girl who can’t act but who has a really pretty face so men like to cast her as their empty vessels. From Lolitas to manic pixie dream girls to strippers with a heart of gold to muses to eager pupils and plenty more to come (Your Highness [btw, thongs weren’t invented until the 90’s], No Strings Attached, Thor), she’s done just about every character there is in the male gaze fodder catalogue and fulfilled the lives of countless men onscreen. All the while, her charmless, montonone and repetitious screen presence has been a constant, as have been her upside down eyebrows when she wishes to express any sort of emotion.
Let’s not kid ourselves though, being a talentless white girl who makes it on her looks wouldn’t really set her apart from well, 99% of hollywood. The magic happens when she opens her mouth and her pseudo-intellectual, navel gazing hypocrisy is unveiled for all to see. Let’s sample some of her words, shall we?

• “I don’t want to be working for money because then you are no different [from] a prostitute.” [note: Apart from shaming marginalized women in quotes like this she has sold shampoo and coffee in Japan, clothes in the Philippines, and of course now Dior, because they made her vegan shoes and are elegant. And I’m sure star wars, the walmart baby movie, and ashton kutcher romcoms are all about the art.]
• “I’m constantly aware of how I’m being seen, which I think a lot of people have normally, but it’s sort of exaggerated. I see myself out of body all the time. I was reading W.E.B. DuBois’s stuff in school, and I was like ‘Oh my God! I’m not black, but I know what it feels like!’” [sorry Natalie, no apology can undo this magnitude of fuckery]
• “I remember in college, a professor asked our class to consider what our grandchildren would look back on as being backward behavior or thinking in our generation, the way we are shocked by the kind of misogyny, racism, and sexism we know was commonplace in our grandparents’ world. He urged us to use this principle to examine the behaviors in our lives and our societies that we should be a part of changing. Factory farming of animals will be one of the things we look back on as a relic of a less-evolved age. I say that Foer’s ethical charge against animal eating is brave because not only is it unpopular, it has also been characterized as unmanly, inconsiderate, and juvenile. But he reminds us that being a man, and a human, takes more thought than just ‘This is tasty, and that’s why I do it.’ He posits that consideration, as promoted by Michael Pollan in The Omnivore’s Dilemma, which has more to do with being polite to your tablemates than sticking to your own ideals, would be absurd if applied to any other belief (e.g., I don’t believe in rape, but if it’s what it takes to please my dinner hosts, then so be it).[emphasis mine. Translation: Don’t think of it as a burger so much as sexual assault, ok? Also, I’m better than you. Also factory farming of animals is comparable to the suffering caused by human slavery and genocide.]
• “I think it’s kind of an exciting time. I mean, everyone is cutting back. It’s happening in every industry – including our own. All of a sudden, people are doing jobs that they hate and they’re not making as much money as they thought they would or they’ve lost their jobs entirely. I’ve started to see people looking more toward their own passions and what really excites them.” [translation: wait, you guys don’t use money as toilet paper too?]
• Signed the Free Polanksi petition [translation: Child rape, eh not so bad. Beef taco: put down that deliciously encased sexual assault right now!]
• “I have a very close friend who lately has this European, anti-Israel way of thinking, and it’s very hard for me to have conversations with him. He says: ‘Can’t you be self-critical?’ But it’s hard to be publicly critical. It has to be done in a very delicate, well-thought-out manner.These issues come up at parties and dinners with people who don’t know a lot, and as someone who was born in Israel, you’re put in a position of defending Israel because you know how much is at stake. It’s become a much bigger part of my identity in recent years because it’s become an issue of survival.” [translation: Israel is not an apartheid state and if you think so you just don’t know about Israel ok. Also don’t criticize Israel. Ever. Her and her nuclear arsenal are just hanging on by a thread!]
• “At one point, Chaudhry even compares the situation to apartheid. This is a distortion of the fact that most Israelis and Palestinians are indistinguishable physically…Outrageous and untrue finger-pointing is a childish tactic that disregards the responsibility of all parties involved, including Europe, the Arab nations and the United States, along with Israel and the Palestinian Authority.” [Again, Israel is not an apartheid state, Israelis and Palestinians are equally victimized and responsible, zionism, everyone’s to blame, zionism, blah blah blah]

Seriously, after all this, does it even matter that she can’t act?

classification: zionist sand, manic pixie orifice

Some people need to be smacked and not heard.

Holy fucking shit, talk about FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE… Okay, and I was thisclose to seeing Black Swan even though Portman CANNOT ACT FOR SHIT, because everybody’s been carrying on about how great it is. Even though she can’t act. For shit. But everybody has been conveniently ignoring this fact for years.